Signs You've Chosen the Wrong Mount Everest Guide:

The last three days, all you've had to eat is s'mores.

  • Every morning greets the group with, "Wonder who'll die today?


  • Doesn't worry about provisions, as there's bound to be a Starbucks or McDonald's every half mile or so.

  • Gets lost in the "Sherpa Shack" gift shop.

  • Makes everyone do upside down shots off the St. Bernard's collar.

  • First day's preparation devoted entirely to making snow angels.

  • Every 10 minutes, stops and yells, "RICOLA."

  • Throws a fit when her stiletto heel gets stuck in the ice.

  • Has everyone stick their tongues to a cherry popsicle "for practice."

  • Keeps repeating, "Is it me, or is it cold up here?"

  • "Map, schmap -- you see the top from here!!"

  • Two words: Golf Clubs.

  • Forgets to wear socks with his sandals.

  • Keeps using the oxygen tanks to make balloon animals.

  • Every so often, turns and screams, "Stop following me!"

  • Squeezes your ass then yells, "Hey, if we get stranded we can live off Tubby here for a week!"

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